I've been thinking about modesty a lot lately. I really started thinking about it a few months ago while Geoff and I were at Wal-Mart. I saw several young women wearing incredibly tight pants. The kind of pants that make Victoria spill her secrets, if ya know what I mean. It reminded me of when I used to go clothes shopping with my grandma and how she would reminisce about girls wearing dresses and skirts out in public. Never, ever would a respectable young lady wear blue jeans for the rest of the world to see, she would say. She lamented the loss of the fashions of her youth. And then I started thinking about what I might say when I take my kids shopping, if the current fashion trends continue..."When I was your age, girls wore pants that covered their legs, and shirts that hid their cleavage and midriff." I've had modesty on the brain because I want to figure out how to explain why it's important to my daughter one day.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I was taught that modest dress is important. LDS girls are still taught this lesson. Modest dress and a well groomed appearance are a major part of the Mormon culture. I remember hearing "modest is hottest" a lot throughout my teenage years. When I think back to lessons and discussions on modesty one thing kind of bothers me. It seems that parents and youth leaders encourage girls to dress modestly because of the effect it has on young men. I remember hearing that a lot growing up, and I still hear it taught to the youth today..."it's important that we dress modestly because when we wear clothes that are too revealing it makes young men uncomfortable, or it gives them impure thoughts, et cetera, et cetera." While I agree that low cut blouses and mini skirts have potential to effect male and female thought processes, I feel this shouldn't be the go to explanation for why we need to dress modestly. It kind of feels like we're blaming young men for our dressing modestly. Is it possible that this explanation also lowers the opinion young women have of their male peers? Are we inadvertently and erroneously teaching young women that men are pigs? Are we giving the young men some sort of complex?
As I have been thinking about how to explain the importance of modesty to my daughter one day I've tried to think of arguments other than "do it for the young men". I want her to dress modestly for her own benefit, not for somebody else. Thankfully I have a few years to get to know her and tailor my points to her specific needs and interests. In the meantime I've come up with a few things that I think are worth while. Below are some of the reasons one may choose to dress immodestly and my response.
First, I would like to point out that modesty is not synonymous with frumpy.
I want attention
Before I developed an appreciation for dressing modestly I thought less modest apparel would bring me attention. It didn't work. It turns out people (i.e boys) like talking to other people (girls) who are good conversationalists. Spending time developing various skills and talents, reading fun books, or learning something new and interesting will grant you way more attention in the long run. And that attention will be more worthwhile.
I want to feel pretty
The amount of clothes you wear does not increase nor decrease your inherent beauty. There was a time in our history when showing an ankle was considered scandalous and risque. Yet, somehow men were still attracted to women. I wouldn't be surprised if some men didn't see a bare ankle until their wedding night (side note - I have a funny visual in my head of a gentleman and his new bride sitting down together and he exclaims "blessed knee joint! Where hast thou been all mine life?!" Meh, it's funny to me.) So, without seeing more than a face full of skin men desired women enough to marry them and procreate with them. Males are biologically programmed to find females attractive. Ladies - you are beautiful and no amount of clothes will change that. You could pile on fabric till the cows came home and you would still be easy on the eyes. The reverse is also true. Wearing skimpier outfits, or hardly any outfit at all, does not make you any more attractive than you already are. Besides, there is more to life than being pretty.
I want to fit in, or I want to be like my friends
To that I say "Why in the world do you want to be like everybody else? You'll spend the rest of your life trying to stand out from the crowd." There's no need to pine for somebody else's approval. If all you were able to wear was a burlap sack you'd still have friends. Friends care about who you are not what you have.
Wearing modest clothes can be empowering. I feel absolutely confident wearing shorts down to my knees. I feel like others take me more seriously. Amy Poehler said "there is power in looking silly and not caring that you do". I wholeheartedly agree with Ms. Poehler. I'm not suggesting that a modest appearance looks silly. I'm suggesting that it looks different from the norm and causes one to stand out. There is power in being different, in standing out from the crowd and not caring.
Modest dress should be done for yourself. One should dress modestly because they love and respect their body. I believe that my body was created by a loving Heavenly Father. It is by no means perfect. I have scars, stretchmarks, moles, crooked teeth, hair on my knuckles, and aches and pains in my joints and muscles. But I love my body. Without it I would not be able to do so many of the things I enjoy. I love my Father in Heaven who created my body. To thank Him for what He has done for me I will take care of it. I will not get tattoos, I will not get any more piercings than one in each ear, and I will not dress in a way that contradicts my divine nature, that is, that I am a daughter of God.
I know there are various research studies regarding modesty and the effects it has on men and women. I will look some up at another time and share them.
